Step Three-Boundaries

Whew….after all that preparation, discussion and attention to detail, my son’s IEP meeting went pretty well. There were a couple of “digs” that one committee member just had to make. I have chosen to ignore the slights because overall we got what he was in need of. Sometimes you have to let a few things go.

Safety for our kids is the first priority. Hopefully, the days of bullying have diminished and by setting up a good IEP, we have defined some space that help our kids to grow. In the long run, there will be no safety net of an IEP so I am conscious of dependency issues on accommodations and have seen how these change as our kids’ needs change.  As we work on our kids being in a  pretty good fit, we have to look at our own space too.

It is hard to remember that we are more than our children’s protector. It takes a lot of time just to keep up with IEPs, therapy, social activities, sports, and daily living. If you are not careful, you can lose sight of the beautiful freedom of your soul.

At times the boundaries seem impossible. In an emergency, we have to give all our attention to the situation at hand. The problem is that there never seems to be a time without an emergency. One thing leads to another and we spin around like a dog chasing his tail-never getting much done and getting tired and dizzy.

For me, meditation is a huge help.  I bought a program with a little timer and I have an alarm set to remind me. I set up a tacky pop up tent at the base of my bed and I crawl in there and escape for about 20 minutes per day. It never fails to help me become more centered and grounded -except for the days I skip it.

Walking is helpful to many people. If you can enjoy nature and experience the peace around you without cramming in a phone call to discuss some problem, this works very well. Some people read , watch TV, or go on some sort of social media. The trick is to find something that makes you feel better and is relaxing. I usually feel worse after being exposed to the news or other people’s political views.

CrossFit is my church. The workouts are so hard that I forget everything but breathing and the people there are positive and supportive. We talk in the language of CrossFit-burpees, WODs, Rx, PRs, etc rather that my there language of BIPs, FAs, IEP, ARD, etc.

The point is to carve out some space and time for you. Our identity is not fixed. We can be anyone we want. Being an aspie mom is just one thing I can relate to. It is not the entirety of me. 

I just read this interesting article that you may find helpful:

“I” is just a bit of verbal behavior.

 

 

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